Facebook can be a real let down.
I discovered that a couple of friends I had, or thought I had, never thought much of me.
Over the past few weeks that I've had this laptop, I created a new Facebook account under a pseudonym, and had followed many of my old friends. Quite a few of them friended me back, not knowing who I really am. Someone mentioned in a comment about not having heard from me for many months, and wondered what happened.
"His last post was on August 28, 2015", commented one person.
"WTF?" commented another
"Are you talking about that dipshit?" someone else chimed in.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" answered another
"Yeah, that dude was weird", one person answered.
I guess maybe, I'm just sensitive. Maybe I shouldn't be looking at Facebook if I can't handle what people say behind by back. I can only imagine what they will say when I die.
I feel like such a ghost now, haunting social media. I get to hear what people say about me when I'm not around.
But what about other people who now know me as Ms. Julia's "boy" or "personal servant"? Do they think I'm weird too? Am I a dipshit to them also?
If anything, Ms. Julia and the other dommes and subs that associate with her see me as the true soul that I am. This person who struggles with co-dependency, low self-esteem, shame, and self-pity, somehow feels right at home being subservient to a much superior domme. I can be my real self to her and her fellow dommes, I can show my true colors to their subs, and feel comfortable about being low on the totem pole. Strangely, it actually feels good.
On the one hand, you cannot go through life worrying about what other people think about you. But saying it is one thing, and doing it is another. I can't help but want to confirm what I already believe about myself.
It makes me feel more safe being Ms. Julia's boy. I get to hide from the world while being totally exposed to her and her friends. It's like confirming my pity to those who accept me as subservient, and not having to confront those who make a mockery of me.
