Ms Julia left yesterday for another business trip. This one won't have her returning until the 12th of this month. Its going to mean more loneliness for me.
The good news is that she seems concerned for my well being and has allowed me to venture out of the guest house during her trip to use the pool, spa, and patio. On top of that, she wants to video chat with me each night on this laptop.
I'm pleased to know that she's genuinely concerned for my comfort and happiness. Using the spa and patio will be a relief from the confines of the guest house. However, I'm not much of a video chatter.
I enjoy one on one interactions, but doing so by chat seems to put pressure on me to respond right away. I prefer the conversations we have in bed because I can snuggle up to her, touch her, or have her touch me.
Physical touch is something I tend to respond to over speech. Someone could praise me repeatedly and my low self esteem would never believe it. But when I'm touched, stroked, held, or kissed, I feel loved and wanted.
Ms Julia could tie me down, spank my ass, and peg me violently, and in the end, I'd still feel a sense of intimacy and connection. But calling me names like "bitch" or "whore" doesn't affect me.
I remember my mother used to beat me frequently and for awhile that was only time she'd touch me. I'm convinced that I acted unruly just because I knew I would feel her hand slapping me. It was getting banished to the closet or my bedroom, without interaction, that I hated the most.
Staying here in this guest house for days and weeks at a time is almost like being banished.
As much as I'm kept as a slave, servant, or pet, I am actually impatient for Ms Julia's return. I long to feel her and for her to feel me. I could happily remain as her subservient companion as long as she strokes my skin frequently.
