In the weeks following Donald Trump's election to the White House, things have been rather tumultuous here with Ms. Julia.
I think that overall, there is a backlash from feminists who feel repulsed at the idea that Hillary Clinton lost, and that a misogynist won. But, I'm not sure that that Donald Trump is a misogynist. I think the left wing media painted him that way, and somehow left wingers believed it.
I mean, John F. Kennedy was a misogynist. So was Bill Clinton. And that didn't seem to bother Democrats.
Either way, it hasn't helped my situation.
I totally feel for Ms. Julia. She had so much riding on Hillary Clinton to win, even though ironically, she didn't really like her. But that's beside the point. A "so called" misogynist won, and the token feminist lost. That doesn't mean that America is not ready for a female president. Heck, women have held many positions of power in the United States. It was just the wrong woman that came up. I mean, I think we need to give us Americans some credit in that we elected a black president last time around.
I'm sure writing this is only to get me trouble with Ms. Julia, but then again, the last several weeks she has not been shy in letting me know how she feels. At this point, it can't get much worse. And besides, she's often told me that she wants to know what I really think, and this blog is the only avenue I have to express.
But all being said, the past year that I've been here serving her, I've struggled to find that delicate balance between obedience and independence. I think that ultimately, that's the goal of male submission these days. It's knowing your place in the relationship, while still maintaining some sense of self. Yet for me, the need to maintain my sense of self often makes it difficult for me to fully submit to Ms. Julia's demands.
I can actually appreciate being the receiving end of the strap-on, and knowing that I'm just as an important part of the dom/sub relationship as she is. But there are times when a certain part of me makes me grimace when she gives me an order. And when I grimace, she sees it and expresses her dissatisfaction with me.
I suppose a couple thousand years ago, within the Roman Empire, slaves didn't see themselves as having any margin for self expression. Although, I don't necessarily have that margin, I've of course pushed those boundaries, knowing the fine lines of Ms. Julia's tolerance. I think that doms/dommes today, actually appreciate knowing that a sub willingly submits, instead of forcibly submits.
Though honestly, there's a part of me that wants to be forcibly dominated.
So today is Christmas. Ms. Julia doesn't actually celebrate Christmas, but then again, it's difficult to ignore what's going on around the world at this time. I don't have anything to give but my body, mind, and spirit. It's not easy to give everything away like this and still maintain some sense of self.
And therein lies the conflict of submission.
How does one submit themselves fully? To have no opinion, no judgement, and no internal conflict?
I mean, I live in her household, with no possessions of my own, no clothing to speak of, no money, no transportation, no nothing. I'm just a body forced to submit to her will. Yet, I still have a mind, a conscience, a soul.
I actually want to be a good servant. But it's hard to set aside the sense of independence that we Americans were raised with. It's even harder when your domme appreciates you having a conscience.
Do I just need another year of living naked? Do I just need another year of waiting on her, serving her, and submitting to her? Do I need another year of submitting to her terms and conditions?
How does a sub truly submit oneself, and relinquish all sense of self?
